CONAN OBRIEN GRADUATION SPEECH DARTMOUTH

I did not get what I wanted, and I left a system that had nurtured and helped define me for the better part of 17 years. I almost cancelled two days ago because I had a zit on my eye. When I was 17 years old and touring colleges, way back in the fall of , I came to Dartmouth. Late last night I snuck out here and sat in every seat. Parents, you should write this down:

Your email address will not be published. Yes, you parents must be patient because it is indeed a grim job market out there. Man, can you imagine if a real Treasury Secretary made those kinds of decisions? I was forced to eat the mule, who a week earlier had been forced to eat the fur traders. Clothing will be optional, all expenses paid by the Alumni Association.

For decades, in show business, the ultimate goal of every comedian was to host The Tonight Show.

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Imagine how awesome that would be. Michael Corleone from The Godfather.

I went from being in the center of the gtaduation to not only off the grid, but underneath the coffee table that the grid sits on, lost in the shag carpeting that is underneath the coffee table supporting the grid. To communicate with you graduattion today, I have gone to great lengths to become well-versed in your unique linguistic patterns. So, at the age of 47, after 25 years of obsessively pursuing my dream, that dream changed.

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It was the making of a career disaster, and a terrible analogy.

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Four years ago, many of you had a specific vision of what your college experience was going to be and who you were going to become. Late last night I snuck spefch here and sat in every seat.

All master’s degrees will be upgraded to PhDs. Dartmouth class of rules! I would like to thank President Kim for inviting me here today.

conan obrien graduation speech dartmouth

With no money, I was forced to enroll in a small, local commuter school, a pulsating sore on a muddy elbow of the Charles River. And, I have to tell you this: Speecg could this be true? In —in —I told graduates to not be afraid to fail, and I still believe that.

I grew a strange, cinnamon beard. In fact, this is my second time coming here. Raise your heads high and feel proud.

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No specific job or career goal defines me, and it should not define you. But the point is this: Your school motto is “Vox clamantis in deserto,” which means “Voice crying out in the wilderness. Good God, man, what the hell are you compensating for? My peers and I have all missed that mark in a thousand different ways. Brown, of course, is your lesbian sister who never leaves her room.

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Skip to main content. But that is not true. Your roommates changed, your major changed, for some of you your sexual orientation changed.

At the end of my final program with NBC, just before signing off, I said “Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen. Four of them were later killed in motel shoot-outs. InI told graduates “Don’t be afraid to fail.

conan obrien graduation speech dartmouth

Yes, I’ve always had a special bond with this school. He was a giant star, easily one of the greatest comedians of his generation.

I did stand-up, wore a skin-tight blue leather suit, recorded an album, made a documentary, and frightened my friends and family. In fact, this is my second time coming here. Nietzsche famously said “Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I did it to prove a point: